Easter 2015

I’ve just seen my 18yr old son for 10 minutes. This is the first time since February. He visited my home (less than 50m from his) to collect an easter egg for himself and his sister, at my request. He was delighted to see the dog, who he hasn’t seen since January. Her delight in seeing him was clear. She didn’t stop wagging her tail or sneezing (a sign she is smiling as she sneezes every time she smiles) the whole time he was here.

He said he couldn’t stay, he said he had been asked to refuse anything I wanted to send for his sister, I asked him to have it himself or give it to his father.

He also said, as I gripped him hard in tears, that he loves me, “and so does my sister even though she can’t show it at the moment”. He then added that if she didn’t get in such a state every time I was discussed he would choose to see me more.

Each step towards them is so small, each bank holiday is SO PAINFUL. On Sunday my two children are joining my parents, brother, cousin and their families to celebrate time together over Easter. I can’t be there, because they won’t go if I do and I want them to see as much of my family as they possibly can. This is the only way there is a chance that the alienation will be broken through.

I have plans that I would change at a moment’s notice if I thought it could help. I won’t need to.

Previous easters we have had mass Easter egg hunts, we’ve visited farms for baby animal experiences, we’ve had so much chocolate it wasn’t eaten until almost christmas. Family walks, big lunches, joy and laughter. The memories are there but I want the real thing……

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